phew

I am tired but not sleepy. I am no longer a freshmen!! Woohoo only 4 more semesters to go. I am so very excited to be as far as I am. nothing much is really new around here. Alyssa is a very interesting lil lady. Austin is acting like a 9 year old. Asking questions about everything I say to do. Zachery is trying to be super brother... and at the same time put the babies in his closet cause they wouldnt stop shutting his tv off. *rolls eyes* Zander is just being Zander.. Very laid back and LOVES to make Alyssa scream.. He will take a toy and run his ass of laughing the whole time. While his sister is chasing him down. He will then throw it and she goes for the toy and he giggles. Maybe he is playing fetch with her?

Kryptonite

I cant seem to turn my brain off tonight... I feel like I dont know who I am. I am sitting here eating cause 1 small thing made me sad. I don't want people to say, You dont look pregnant! I honestly dont think I look pregnant! Tuesday 1 of my instructors made a comment about me being in school full time and working full time while pregnant..... I said I am not pregnant thank you. Then tonight I had a large slumber party.. And one of my best friends children said "Crystal are you having a baby" I honestly dont think I look pregnant but I am finding it annoying. I did quit my job yesterday... Im starting to question school... Cause honestly people think I rock.... but I am starting to lose my grip on everything I am taking on.. Guess What!!! Im not as great because no I cant handle it.. and then I feel like I am letting people down... so I decided to sit here and drink while eating anything I can find.. I never thought at the age of 29 I wouldnt know who I am... or what I am suppose to be doing.

So now I ramble on... I am embarrassed to say all of this but am sick of being quiet. I felt for once I actually felt I got my head out of my ass and I am doing what ever it takes... But I am not supergirl... and I want sooooo badly to be super girl....

Mothers day is approaching, and I took a moment tonight and stared at these amazing lil people in my life. I am blessed to be their mommy. For every moment of every day I am thankful for them. They make me complete and show me to smile. They give me the strength that makes me never give up. It truly is amazing on how someone that depends on you can give you the strength to move mountains yet they give you the tears of pure joy. I need to take a few more moments out of my day and cherish the people that saved my life in so many ways. They gave me the life that is full of joy.

Thank you kiddos I love you with every ounce of my heart!

Operation Stop Smoking

I have decided to stop smoking. I am actually very excited. I miss how amazing it felt to not have your chest hurt in the morning. I also have 4 amazing reasons to quit. And honestly I dont want them to pick up the habit themselves later on.

I started taking Chantix today. I was scared at first and am now just eager to get this over with. I have read a few things about side effects. I reminded myself that almost all drugs/scripts have some sort of side effects. I just hope I keep friends through this whole process lol. If I am really mean I am sorry and I love you!

TESTING come on font you have to change so I can get credit for class!!

Whatever Wed!

Oh mylanta I am very tired today. Last night I got 30 minutes of sleep. I was up working on Algeblah until 12pm when the site closed the assignment. Better luck next time I guess. Working has been interesting. I have actually started getting better at my job. OR so I thought as today was a frustrating day which then led to me leaving work early because Alyssa is sick. She is feeling a tad better now that I gave her a breathing treatment.

Tomorrow shall be a (fill in the blank with a AMAZING WONDERFUL SPIFFY WORD)!!

Don't forget my Myspace if your not my friend already.

This past Friday was the mother son dance. We had an amazing time. I really enjoy doing things alone with the boys. And I feel they actually enjoy it more and are thankful for some alone time with me. I started back to work Today. Now I have many fears going through my head. How in the world am I going to do this? With work, my kiddos, and School.... My plan is not to realize everything I am doing. Just get it done! I also have the motivation of my kids. My boys are so proud of me for going back to school. Austin even ran and told his teach at school the day after I told him. I think the biggest reward in life is my children being proud of me.
I am thankful to have such an amazing family. Even tho I could beat Craig upside his head! He still loves me for who I am. Well I didnt plan on this being all mushy. So here is a picture that brought a tear to my eyes.

TGIF!

Well in the last week I turned 25 again! WOOHOO Party like a rockstar! But besides that there isnt anything new and exciting. Ohhh Bradley has decided to go back to his home. Guess he really didnt want to go do school and do all those things that he claimed he wanted to do. Im not to heartbroken over it. I am a little sad tho cause it was nice seeing him show some efforts.

Hi!

Wow I just realized its been a while since I said hi. I have been super busy. School is going GREAT! I love 2 of my classes. There is one that I could so do without lol. But Im doing well in the class and thats what counts.

Im taking more steps to the "new" me. Tomorrow I have a hair appointment. Craig is getting my hair done for my birthday. Im very excited I have never had my hair done professionaly before... and we all know that IT SHOWS HAHAHAAH.

Zander has now mastered climbing the gate to the stairs. Alyssa has realized that climbing ontop of chairs allows her to grab many more things that she shouldnt touch.

Zachery is doing really well in school. He also has been learning lots in his therapy.

Austin is being Austin lol who knew 8 year olds were so.... hmm whats the word... creative! He is testing the water and has been telling a few lies. I hope him and I are working past that right now.

Day 1 of school

Its very interesting when you have no been in school in years.... And nothing really cahnges... Or does it?

Waiting in the hall for the instructor to come unlock the door. You a few people talking to the person they came with.. The rest of us are just quietly leaning against the wall. The once the large wooden door opens.... I walk to the back of the classroom as others fill in behind me. Once everyone has sat down I realize Im sitting alone.. No one to the left of me no one to the right of me.. Kinda odd seeings how those are the only 2 seats open..

It feels very odd watching the young guys chatting about nothing. The cute table of girls from highschool. You know they are the ones that giggle as the one drops her gum allowing the nice older lady next to her to pick it up. With out even a thank you.

Then the late chick enters the room with her little starbucks in her hand.. and picks a empty seat against the wall..

The instructer begins to speak and seems very nice. Then she says that 30% of my grade is on replying to the classroom forums.. I smiled right away. I love to talk this is nothing new lol. Then walks in another later arriver.. She smiles and sits next to me. We then spend the rest of the class kinda making jokes to each other.

Then its time for open chatter about the topics. And WOW these people spoke to everyone about everything. There was no longer a quiet pause. Nor did I feel like I couldnt include my thoughts or interest.

Last nights class actually went WONDERFUL and Im looking forward to doing it again.

Been working crazy hours with the snow this week. Im so out of whack its annoying. But money is money. Tonight is going to be a long night we are suppose to get a crap load of snow. Today Craig decided to go back to school! Im so proud of him.

Quest to the new me...

Well Im have been looking around at things that annoy me in my life.. And Im actually starting to do something about it. Normally I would just gripe and go on.. But somethings arnt changing so I guess its time for me to change them. I have made dentist appointments to finally fix my teeth. This is a large depression issue for me. I enjoy smiling with my teeth showing. I cant remember the last time I laughed without trying to cover my mouth. School officialy starts in 5 days. Im so ready for this large challenge. I just repeat over and over again I GOT THIS! I hope thats enough to keep me motivated.

Im excited to say Nikki is now 14 weeks pregnant. Lil Gavin is 3 months old. Where has the time gone? Last night was a fun night with myh friends we sat around eatting icecream. Lil Gavin was laughing and smiling at me. He is sooo flipping cute. I tried to listen to Nikkis babys heartbeat but there was so much going on and so many people talking I will have to try another day.

Well today I have to work my 1 day a week to pay benifits. Woopiie Do I get to spend the day with most of the people dont like me. Hey its a job right?

*yawn*

Well Im up and starting to get functional this morning. The boys go back to school today after being off for winter break. And I think they are a little more excited then I am to get out of the house lol. I also think Im gonna run to the gym this morning. I really need to get back on track of weightloss. But when ever I go to the gym I can never get over this mental thing that everyone is looking at me and making fun of my twinskin. I know its all in my head but its frustrating.

AND this morning I get to go get my text books for class. Classes start the 12th and Im ready and scared all at the same time.

Today I was able to put Alyssa's hair up in a real pony with a bow.

Its not much buts it is a start. Craig keeps making fun of me telling me to just leave the poor girl alone. But for her being my only girl atleast let me try geez.

What am I doing...

Im joining the blogging world. I have read blogs for over 2 years now and always thought man I wish I had enough to say to have a blog going. Then I sat back and realize that I have 4 kids lol there has to be plenty of things I can say. So I join you others in the blogging world.

Im an online gamer... a mom of 4... a full time student... and will be back to work full time in March.